With realizing that I have been trying to make things fit, which cannot; I have come to the realization that I am completely over doing EVERYTHING in my life right now!
How can I tell???
Well the other day I was complaining (yes I will be honest that I was semi-whining) to my husband, about how much I hate my day jobs. "I want to do Tupperware, make handmade cards, party with people and stay home with our puppy. I am tired of working to the point of exhaustion for pittance a day!"
This was the night before and early in the morning before I left for work on Sunday.
I had rested all day Saturday and was feeling fully alert and ready to face the day. Little did I know, that on my way to work while driving, I would wake myself up (so to speak) to how much I really am overdoing it.
I came to in oncoming traffic.
With no idea how I ended up there or for how long I had been driving in that lane. I did not fall asleep and my eyes never closed. I was not daydreaming and I remained upright, while continuing to drive straight.
Basically, I blacked out, while driving!
Holy-mole, that was way too close and in the nic of time.
To sum it up, I was terrified!!!!
Right away I called my Husband and we agreed, I need to quit this other part time job.
So, I walked into work with all the intentions of giving my notice...then I changed my mind.
I put me on the back burner again!
Why?
Because of so many excuses (I mean reasons), that make perfect sense to me:
- They really need me there. We already didn't have enough people to work shifts for people that need a day off and now somebody quit. Now I feel guilty if I quit; how will they cope? That isn't fair to the girls!
- I work with a terrific bunch of ladies! We don't get paid what we are worth, for the job we do and yet we still smile while doing it and have fun. :)
- I said that I would work there a while when they hired me and I like to keep my word.
- I like them and do not want them to be upset, if I leave them in need.
I am overworking myself and underpaid. I have tons of stuff to do and rarely any help at home. Most importantly this isn't good for my health and ultimately, next time if I black out or maybe next time I might sleep at the wheel and literally never wake up.
This job could ultimately cost me my life!
What am I thinking!?!?
Why am I trying to force this. It's cost to me and those close to me is so high!?!
It is stupid!!!
I have to quit, I have to quit, I have to quit.....
Eventually I will actually say it to my employer, right?
I will update you later with the progress.
Until then... Is there anything you are doing in your life right now, which doesn't quite fit, but you are tryng to force it at a great cost to you or those you love?
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